


Voicemail

by butwelivehappilyeverafter



Category: Archie Comics, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jughead doesn't know how to talk to girls, Meet-Cute, Or how to use phones, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-12 12:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16873287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butwelivehappilyeverafter/pseuds/butwelivehappilyeverafter
Summary: "Hey, it's Betty. Leave a message."FuckHe wasn't prepared for this.What was he supposed to-*beep*-or Jughead awkwardly trying to score a date with Betty Cooper, a girl he met one night and can't seem to get out of his head.





	Voicemail

**Author's Note:**

> A story inspired and incorporating a sketch by one of my favourite comedians, John Finnemore.
> 
> (I don't own anything to do with the sketch, I am nowhere near as funny as this radio comedy legend)

"Betty this is getting ridiculous." Kevin sighed, leaning against the dressing table in Betty's room as he spoke to the mass of duvet and blankets on her bed that contained his best friend. "I told you about this party _weeks_ ago"

Kevin rolled his eyes at the muffled groan from under the covers. "Please B! You know how important it is for me that you're there. I thought you were excited to meet Joaquin.”

Betty's head appeared, hair dishevelled, "Can't I just meet him in a way that doesn't involve social interactions with other humans?"

It was Kevin's turn to groan as he moved to sit on the end of the bed. "You know I love you, but it's time for some hard truths."

"Oh no." Betty replied, attempting to recover herself under her pastel duvet.

Pulling back the layers of bedding, Kevin grabbed Betty's hands and pulled them into his lap. "Betty, light of my life. You aren't going to make friends sitting in your room all day."

"Hey! I have friends" Betty defended weakly.

"Your grand total of 3 friends doesn't exactly paint a positive picture of your social skills" Kevin smirked, squeezing her hands. "You promised me you'd come and celebrate my boyfriend's birthday so get out of whatever duvet cocoon you have going on and let me do your hair."

Betty forced a smile. Kevin wasn't wrong after all; She didn't have many friends, didn't have the social skills to make more and had promised to come to this stupid party. "Fine." she mumbled as Kevin beamed.

"You won't regret this" He smiled, pulling her out of bed and depositing her on the dressing table chair.

 

***

 

"Do you ever look up from that thing?" Fangs asked from the Jones trailer door as he watched Jughead type fluently on his typewriter.

"Hmmm, what?" He asked, grabbing a handful of chips.

"I said," Fangs smirked, sitting opposite his best friend, "do you ever look up from that thing."

"Ha ha very funny." Jughead smiled sarcastically before going back to his manuscript.

"Well, you better finish up now or you'll be late to Joaquin's thing" Fangs stated as Jughead looked up, running through the usual list of excuses in his mind. The silence stretched uncomfortable as Jughead failed to settle on a good enough justification for missing one of his best friends birthday's.

"Jug?" Fangs asked as his friend look guiltily up at him. "No.. no no no! You promised you'd come this time"

"Yeah but-"

"No" 

"But unhhh" Jughead whined, gesturing to his typewriter

"No Jughead Jones. This is Joaquin's birthday and we are going to go and celebrate it with him." Fangs declared. "I don't care if you want to just zone out in the corner but we are going whether you like it or not. Now get changed."

 

***

 

Betty was right. This was not fun.

As soon as they’d stepped through the doors of the Southside bar, she’d been more or less abandoned by Kevin, Veronica and Archie. They'd had the decency to introduce her to Joaquin before abandoning her to talk with his Serpent friends. He seemed nice enough and Betty could tell why Kevin was completely infatuated.

An hour later and Betty was still holding her empty glass as she continually scanned the room. A large group - including Arhie and Veronica - had formed around Joaquin whom Kevin was hugging from behind as he lent his chin on the shorter boys head. It was undeniably cute and Betty was happy for her best friend... but she could be happy for them and not suffering here at the same time.

The Whyte Wyrm was full of life. It wasn’t just teenagers here but the whole age spectrum of Serpents here for their Friday night. Betty felt extremely out of place as she shuffled through the throngs to the bar. She’d forfeited her usual Alice-induced wardrobe tonight for an off the shoulder jumper and ripped jeans (courtesy of Veronica). Although her clothing wasn't from the usual pastel palette, she still didn’t fit in with the sea of leather.

Scowl firmly fixed on her face, Betty weaved through the final few people to reach the bar. Desperate to get off her feet she moved to the nearest empty stool she could see.

"Hey, can I sit here" Betty asked, not waiting for a reply before signalling the bar tender and collapsing into the seat. The bar tender was at most her age or younger so getting served wasn't an issue as she ordered a rum and coke. As she waited, a feeling of guilt overcame her. She'd been pretty rude to the person seated on her left, not even waiting for their reply to her own question. What if their friend was sitting here? 

Panicked, she turned towards the Serpent. He seemed to be completely unaware of her presence, dark fringe falling over his face as they read, what appeared to be, a pretty hefty novel. His finger moved as he read, stopping at the base of each sentence. Betty knew she was staring but, judging by how fast their finger was moving, he was reading incredibly quickly.

"Excuse me, but can you really read that fast." Betty blurted without thinking.

The boy looked up confused for a moment before looking like a dear trapped in the headlights. His eyes darted around as if looking for an exit before they settled on Betty's face. He stared as if memorised before he broke eye contact and looked toward his lap. "Umm, yeah"

"Cool" Betty nodded as he turned back to his book. Her drink arrived and she sipped cautiously before spinning around on the stool to face the boy. "How fast exactly?"

He jumped slightly, snapping the book shut. " _What?_ "

"How fast can you read exactly?" Betty asked again, leaning back and still sipping her drink. 

The boy cleared his throat eyeing Betty warily. "About 700 words a minute"

Betty nodded in approval, "Damn. That's impressive."

"Not really. It's just over the average for college professors, but plenty of people can read a lot faster. It's all about utilising your brain; the conscious brain can process 16 bits of information per second whereas our unconscious can process 11 million so it's all about accessing... I'm rambling aren't I."

"No, go on." Betty smiled, genuinely interested.

"I can't even remember what I was going to say" The boy laughed awkwardly, looking back toward his lap again.

Betty surveyed him for a moment before sticking out her hand. "I'm Betty, Betty Cooper"

"We're teenagers in the 21st century, are you seriously asking to shake my hand?" The boy grinned, finally looking Betty in the eye. 

"It's a tried and tested method of introduction." Betty laughed, acting offended. "I'll try again: I'm Betty, Betty Cooper"

The boy laughed but took her hand anyway, shaking it in mock reluctance. "Jughead Jones m'lady"

Betty snorted, pulling her hand away to cover her mouth.

"What?" Jughead laughed, already knowing the answer. 

"Is your name seriously Jughead?" She giggled.

"No, but it's what I go by." He smiled, shoving the now abandoned book into a bag by his feet.

Betty shook her head, biting her lip to try and contain her smile. "Of all the names to choose, and you go for Jughead?"

"You can't talk! Of all the variations of Elizabeth and you go for Betty." Jughead mocked.

"What's wrong with Betty?"

"Nothing, just a bit 1800's if you ask me" Jughead smirked as Betty laughed again.

"So... Jughead Jones. Tell me about yourself." 

 

***

 

Jughead was terrified as his finger hovered over the contact 'Betty x' in his phone.

He couldn't put it off anymore. He knew this. It had been 3 days since he met Betty Cooper and he was still dizzy. They'd spoken for hours at Joaquin's party, their conversation becoming more and more natural as the night went on. She'd been pulled away by her friends around 2am to go home, but by that point Jughead had already fallen irrevocably in love with the Northsider.

Okay, maybe not in love. In any case he should definitely not lead with that. 'Hey Betty, I love you' might come across too strong after one night.

What did he even say? He'd been debating it for 72 hours, he should have something to say to the ray of light that was Betty Cooper.

"Here goes nothing" Jughead sighed, shaky hands pressing Betty's contact and waiting for her to pick up.

The rings were incessant, each mocking him.

It rang for a full, agonising minute until:

**"Hey, it's Betty! Leave a message."**

Fuck.

He wasn't prepared for this.

What was he supposed to-

***beep***

"Oh umm... Hi Betty, it's Jughead from the bar. Well... not from the bar, I mean we met at the Wyrm, I don't live in a bar. Al-Although my friends would tell you otherwise!" Jughead chuckled nervously, hands sweating. "No, they wouldn't I'm a very moderate drinker."

_What was he doing?_

"Anyway, it's Jughead and... I'm going to record this again."

**"To re-record your message, press one. To listen to your messages press-"**

***beep***

"Oh hi Betty, it's Jughead here. We met the other night in the bar I sometimes but not always go to at Joaquin's birthday thing. Well, I always go to Joaquin's birthday but it's not always at the Wyrm and I go to the bar at times that aren't Joaquin's birthday. But this wasn't one of those times and it was Joaquin's birthday and it was at the bar. But you would know that because you were there and that's how we met... Fucking hell Jughead pull yourself together!"

**"To re-record you message, press one. To listen-"**

***beep***

"Oh hi Betty, it's Jug here. We met at Joaquin's birthday. Anyway, look umm I have no idea whether you'd be interested but I remember you saying you like music and... well of course everyone likes music. Sorry! I didn't mean that's a stupid thing for you to say I just mean it's stupid of me to assume that just because you like music you necessarily want to _oh_ _shut up you stupid wittering dick_!"

**"To re-record your message-"**

***beep***

"Oh hi Betty, it's Jug here from Joaquin's party. A bit out of the blue but I remember we were talking about music and I've actually got tickets to that band I was talking about. Well... I haven't got them yet because you might say no, but I can get them if you say yes. I mean anyone can get them, I'm not saying 'hey I'm amazing I can get these tickets!' They're not sold out or anything, they're not actually that popular... like they're good but _for god sake, what is the matter with you!"_

**"To re-record your-"**

***beep***

"Hey Juggy it's Bets here OH FOR FUCK-"

**"To re-record-"**

***beep***

"Oh.. hello. Sorry I was trying to call another Betty I know. But actually, since I'm talking to you..."

_Was he really going down this route?_

"No. This is a _terrible_ idea"

**"To re-"**

***beep***

"Hi Betty, it's Jughead Jones here. We met at Joaquin's party. Listen, you know I was telling you about that band, well, I'm going to their gig in Greendale on Friday and I just wondered if you wanted to come along... it would be nice to see you again. No worries if you're busy but give me a call on this number if you fancy me. IT! IF YOU FANCY IT! What the _hell_ is wrong with you!"

***Beep beep beep***

**"You have reached the maximum 2 minute message length"**

"What? What do you mean 2 min... oh shit"

**"Message saved"**

"OH SHIT!"

**"Please hang up-"**

"No, no, no!"

**"Please hang up. Please hang up. Please hang up"**

***beep***  

Jughead stood completely still as shock coursed through him. His heart was still palpitating as he shoved his phone back into his jean pocket with shaky hands and rested his head against the outside trailer.  

"Fuuuuck"

"You ok boy?" Jughead didn't even flinch as his dad appeared in the trailer doorway. "Jug? What happened?"

"I just fucked up so bad dad." Jughead mumbled into the trailer's exterior wall. 

"I think you should come inside kid."

 

***

 

"...and I'm pretty sure the last thing you can hear is me asking if she fancies me then screaming at myself" Jughead buried his head further into the couch cushion as FP struggled to hold back his laughter.

"I think you're overreacting Jug." FP attempted as Jughead lifted his head to glare at his father.

"Were you listening to anything I just said. It was a disaster."

"Oh well, there's always next time."

"You don't get it dad. Betty she's... she's so different." Jughead groaned again, face falling back onto the cushion. "I think I'm in love"

FP chuckled uncontrollably as he watched Jughead's overdramatic breakdown. "In love, ay?"

Jughead was about to throw the pillow at his Dad when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. “Oh my god” He stuttered, pulling the phone from his jeans and staring at the picture of Betty he’d taken that night filling his phone screen. It was her.

FP chuckled, “Is that-“

”Shut up, shut up, shut up” Jughead hushed, answering the phone and bringing it to his ear. He was silent, too embarrassed to say a word. 

“Jughead? You there?” Betty’s voice asked through the tinny speaker.

”Betty?”

”Thank god, I though you wouldn’t pick up.” Betty breathed through an awkward laugh. 

“Neither did I to be honest.” Jughead cringed. “Look, Betty, I’m so sorry about that voicemail. My phone’s a piece of crap and I was trying to-“

Betty’s laugh cut him off, light and airy just like he remembered. “You don’t have to apologise Jug.”

”Really?”

”Yeah” Betty smiled, “I thought it was sweet”

”Ok” Jughead laughed, relief filling him. “I was going for suave but sweet works to.”

Betty laughed again and Jughead couldn’t get enough of the sound. “I think you’re anything but suave Jughead Jones.”

“You’ve got me there”

“Anyway, I called because... I’d love to go to see that band with you in Greendale on Friday. I think that’s what you were trying to ask me about earlier. That's if you still want to go?” Betty asked hopefully.

Jughead couldn’t stop the grin that overtook his face. “Are you joking. Of course I still want to go with you."

"Phew" Betty beamed.

Jughead punched the air in delight as FP bit his fist in an attempt to remain quiet. "I can get the tickets tonight?”

“Sounds perfect” Betty grinned.

”It’s a date?”

”It’s a date.”

 <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is my re-emergence into fic writing. I had to take a break because life was just bleak and I had no desire to do the things I love like writing. But I have been slowly editing The woe of Juliet... (which was written so poorly I don't understand how anyone read it!) and I hope I have the will power to update before April/May 2019 which marks a year since my last update (how?!). Anyway, hope you enjoyed this fun little one shot.
> 
>  
> 
> Psst! Kudos and comment if you did like it and I'll be replying to everyone.


End file.
